Why flying and Piter don't mix
by Ivan Alias
Summary: What happened after the training session, and a little insight into Piter and Dean's past...


Actually, I do own X-Men: Evolution! Yeah, I do! I've just pretended that I haven't for the last three years and now I'll... Oh, I can't say that with a straight face. Of course I own nothing but the Four Amigos.  
  
Thanks too all the reviewers. Now I'm getting a mean of two instead of one per fic! Thanks to all my adoring fans, that goes to both of you!  
  
So, here we go, and it's a slight sequel to the most recent fic, whereby the kids do 'paintball' training...  
  
&&&&&&  
  
Mist so thick it seemed to be a living liquid pooled and poured around the group of four mutants, who were carrying small rifles. The mist dampened all vision and hearing. The leader held up her hand, seeing dark shapes in the thick soup in front of them. The rest of the group spread out in the clearing, hidden from view from the other group by the fog. The shapes came closer to the group. Ten feet... nine feet... eight feet... seven... The leader made a sharp movement with her hand, and the group lunged forward.  
  
There was a cracking sound, and two of the group were plastered with paintballs before they could even lift their feet off the ground. Another member sidestepped around the shadowy shapes, firing randomly, until he ran into a tree. The last member, seeing the mess of what happened to the rest of his team, raised his rifle, fired, dropped the gun and raised his hands over his head.  
  
"SIMULATION OVER!" The professor's voice crackled over the Danger Room's PA. The surrounding area flickered and dissipated, leaving the metal walls of the Danger Room and the soundly beaten group.  
  
"Well," Logan began, "Two of you were killed, one managed to knock themselves unconscious, and the last of you surrendered." He looked at the sorry group in front of him. "That is without a doubt the worst rescue operation I have ever seen in my life, and I saw the Russians evacuate that theatre. What were you thinking?"  
  
"Well..." Piter began.  
  
"Piter, you aren't the group leader. I'm expecting an answer from Eva." Logan thought for a second. "Actually, what the hell were you doing, Piter?" Kitty got up off of the ground, a paint mark over her heart, the two sentry drones escorting her still hovering off the ground. "You killed the hostage!"  
  
Piter shrugged. "Well, I could see we weren't going to rescue her, so I decided to put her out of her misery."  
  
"Creep." Kitty muttered as she stormed past Piter, who looked on in on confusion. Dean got off of the floor, rubbing the side of his head.  
  
"You know, fer a holographic tree, it really hurts when you run into it!" Dean complained. "You could've ruined mah extraordinarily guid looks if Ah wisnae prepared!"  
  
"What," Piter added, "You were prepared to run into things? Boy, you're going to be good in missions. 'Oh, look!'" Piter mimed out the actions. "'There's a gigantic sentinel! I'll save us!'" He then ran into a wall. "Yeah, I can see that going to work." He called up from his position on the floor. "We'll just hit ourselves on the head at them to death."  
  
"Stop it, Piter." Eva said crossly, pulling him up with one hand. "We really shouldn't be joking around."  
  
"Eva's right." Logan stated. "For punishment in not taking this training seriously, you're going to have to wash the X-Jet."  
  
The four amigos groaned. "Oh, come on!" Lexy moaned. "I can't wash the X-Jet! Soap wears off my fingernail polish!"  
  
"Hang on Logan..." Piter said slowly. "We were killed in that simulation, yeah?" Logan nodded. "So if we're dead, surely we aren't going to be much use in the whole washing of things, are we? I mean, you don't see, say Abraham Lincoln getting up to wash Bush's car, now do we? So, logically, we four should just go to our rooms, and continue being dead..." He trailed off, looking at Logan's unwavering stare.  
  
"For that, kid, you can wax the Jet, too."  
  
"Nice wan, Piter..."  
  
&&&&&&  
  
It was late in the evening, and the four amigos were still cleaning the X-Jet. Lexy looked up from the wing she was scrubbing, and sighed. Only seventy-five percent of the plane to go, she thought. I hate my life.  
  
"Breaking rocks in the hot sun..." Piter caterwauled "I fought the law and the law won..."  
  
"Ah fought th' law and th' law won..." Dean crowed in conclusion. He flung the sponge down at the X-Jet. "Ah really hate planes, you know?"  
  
"I know..." Eva said, dangerously. Dean had the grace to look embarrassed. Eva stared down at the X-Jet's surface, and cracked her neck with the sound that people associate with tap-dancing on a bag of crisps.  
  
Piter winced. "Do you have to do that, Eva?"  
  
"I'll do whatever I want right now, Piter. You're the reason we're down here in the first place, remember?"  
  
"Is it my fault Logan can't take a joke?" He asked with an injured tone.  
  
Eva glared at him. "Yes."  
  
Piter raised his hands lazily in a sloppy shrug, then continued the scrubbing.  
  
"Well..." Lexy said, dipping the brush in soapy water. "As long as we're here, we might as well talk about something, yeah?"  
  
"Certainly!" Piter snapped. "Let us talk about the best way to wash a plane. Do you prefer the 'up-and-down' method, or do you prefer the 'swirl' method?" Piter sighed. "Or perhaps we should talk about just how seriously stuck-up Logan is. God, that man needs to calm down. So we messed up a simulation. Who cares?"  
  
Eva gritted her teeth as she began washing a tail fin. "He has got a point, Piter. If that was an actual mission, we would've been killed. He's doing this as a form of teaching us."  
  
"Oh, come on." Piter scoffed. "You don't need to know all those ninja moves or all those military moves."  
  
"Aye," Dean added, "back whin Piter and Ah were wi the Order, we didnae bother wi' any haun signals, we just got stuck in."  
  
"The 'Order'?" Lexy looked up from the jet. "What's that?"  
  
Both Piter and Dean looked rather uncomfortable. "The 'Order' or, to give it it's full name, 'The Sacred Order of our Martyred Lady', was an old gang that Dean and I used to be in."  
  
"What was with the name?" Eva asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"There was one guy in it, called 'Sneaky', who gave it that name." Piter smiled with the memory. "He was always found of doing stupid things." He snickered ruefully. "He was a good laugh."  
  
"Oh, aye," Dean added "do you remember th' time him an' Whistler went an' spray-painted the President's car in protest over the mutant legislation?" Both guys laughed slightly. "Those twa were inseparable..."  
  
"Well, I could understand why Whistler hung around with Sneaky. Sneaky was cute. I'm me, and I have to call him cute. Sneaky on the other hand..." Piter shrugged. "Nobody knew what made him tick."  
  
"Was that blonde haired guy you were talking about part of this gang?" Eva asked.  
  
Piter breathed in slightly. "Yeah, he was." He coughed slightly. "C'mon, we better start cleaning the interior of the plane."  
  
"Oh man!" Lexy whined. "They wanted the inside washed too?"  
  
Dean shrugged. "Me an' Piter'll clean it up." He opened the Jet's door and went in. He then came back out, a look of confusion on his face. "Whit's the gemme, here? Where'd all th' controls go?"  
  
"Oh, Mister McCoy said that they were updating the controls to the plane." Eva smiled. "Don't worry, the controls haven't been stolen..."  
  
"Ah wisnae worried, Ah wis jus' wonderin' hoo Ah'm gonna see whit Ah'm cleaning. Ah cinnae dae it in the dark, and the light switch isnae there."  
  
Piter grunted in annoyance. "Look, Dean, is the wiring still there?"  
  
"Aye."  
  
"Well, I'll go in, and I'll do a bit of 'home-made' electrical repairs, and get those lights on for you." He turned back to the girls. "You two okay with that?"  
  
The girls shrugged. "Okay..." The hatch closed.  
  
"I hope they don't do anything stupid..." Eva pondered.  
  
"Oh, come on..." Lexy said with a rueful smile. "Piter's a super- genius. Even he can't do anything too awful..."  
  
&&&&&&  
  
"Ow! Hey, watch my hand!"  
  
"Hoo wis Ah supposed to know yous wis there?"  
  
"Because I'm speaking from over here?" There was a sigh. "Y'know, you're right, there is no light in here. I've seen brighter eclipses." Another sigh. "Pass me the wire clippers."  
  
There was some rummaging. "No!" Piter's voice snapped. "That's a Philips-head screwdriver! No, wait, it's a hammer. Hang on..."  
  
"Aw, this is gonnae take forever..."  
  
"Stop your whinging, Dean. Ah! I found the clippers!" There was a snipping sound. "I'll need the strippers."  
  
"Whit, you want Eva and Lexy in here as well?"  
  
"Ha, ha." Piter said sarcastically. "Just pass them over, will you?" There was rustling sounds, then; "Okay, if my calculations are correct – and they always are – then we should be having cabin light..." Piter connected the bare wires together. "...now!"  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"Well, so much fer th' always correct calculations..."  
  
"Oh, wait a minute... I haven't switched it on. That may explain a few things..." There was a click. "There we go!"  
  
Again, nothing happened.  
  
"Look, Ah'm gonnae get Mister McCoy tae..." Dean paused. "Do you feel a rumblin'?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Ah mena, there's a slight, Ah, dunno, 'pulling' sensation on me, and the floor's vibratin' slightly."  
  
Piter stood up. "Oh yeah..." He shrugged. "Well, at least something happened."  
  
The radio crackled into life. "PITER, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Eva's voice screamed.  
  
"I'm trying to get the lights on-"  
  
"WHO CARES ABOUT THE BLOODY LIGHTS! STOP WHATEVER YOU'VE DONE!"  
  
"Hang on, I can't find the wires, it's too dark..."  
  
"OH, CHRIST, YOU MORON! LEXY! LEXY! THERE'S A SWITCH WHICH OPENS THE HANGER DOORS IN HERE! PULL IT!"  
  
"Why are you getting the hanger doors open-" Piter started, then stopped. "Uh-oh."  
  
The X-Jet sped through the tunnel, passing through the door just as it opened. Sunlight filled the cabin.  
  
"Oh, nice going, Piter!" Dean yelled.  
  
"Hey, how was I supposed to know I was activating the engines? I couldn't see! I thought I was switching the lights on!"  
  
The radio crackled into life. "Are you two okay?" Eva's voice yelled.  
  
"Aye, we're just peachy keen!"  
  
"Look, just trun the X-Jet around, and try and land it somewhere, okay?"  
  
"We can't do that!" Dean wailed as Piter frantically rummaged around in the wiring. "Th' joystick's gone as well as the other controls!"  
  
"Well, that's just rubbish-tastic!"  
  
"Hang on!" Piter yelled. "I think I can reverse what I did there..." He pulled two wires apart, and the engines shut off with a dull 'clank'. "That's better!"  
  
Dean looked out a window at the rapidly approaching ground. "No, it's no'." He looked up at Piter. "Whit dae we do?"  
  
"Uh, uh..." Piter looked around frantically. "We eject!" He cried, then sped over to the much-abused control panel. "Quick! Find a button marked 'Eject'!"  
  
"Y'mean like a button which is found somewhere in front of the pilot's seat?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Like in a control panel which is no longer in the X-Jet?"  
  
Piter paused. "Oh, yeah..." He looked around again. "Uh..."  
  
"C'mon, Piter, dae sumhing!" Dean yelled. "Ah can't die! Ah'm too young and gorgeous!"  
  
"What do you want me to do? Flamenco?" Piter looked up at the roof of the jet. He looked over at a nearby handle, and pulled it, causing the roof to open. "Dean, get us out of here!" Piter screamed, jumping into Dean's arms.  
  
"Look, Ah'm no' a personal plane trip, Pi-"  
  
The plane crashed down into the river, skidding along the river bed with a sound like amplified claws on a chalkboard, and finally came to a halt, its nose imbedded firmly in a boulder.  
  
Dean landed, with Piter in his arms, nearby. "Okay, this once, Ah wiz."  
  
Piter looked at what was left of the X-Jet. "Boy, oh boy, I do not want to know how much that'll cost." He looked at the water running over the entire jet. "Oh well, at least we've gotten it clean."  
  
"Aye, but we've kinda destroyed it..."  
  
Piter shrugged. "Details, details..."  
  
"Aye, an Ah'll enjoy watchin' you explain those details tae Logan."  
  
Piter looked from side to side. "Uh, Dean, you don't think you could fly me back in there and pretend I died in the crash, could you?"  
  
R&R. 


End file.
